I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
