Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
