If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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