Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
