what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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