In the future we'll all be gay
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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