dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
