I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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