He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need moral support for this bender
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
