life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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