just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
