I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
