You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
