I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You ruined the universe
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
