Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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