Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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