that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
