Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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