I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
