Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
