Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
