you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
