I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
