Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
