I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it because I queefed?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
