Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
