my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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