we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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