You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
