If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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