I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
