NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
