bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
