i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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