dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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