she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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