i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
