he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
