i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
