I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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