My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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