i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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