i think i have two assholes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
