i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
