My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
