In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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