Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
