when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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