So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
