i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
