i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
