I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
