Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
